I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize
