when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
