I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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