I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
