She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
