so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize