I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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