stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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