tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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