if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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