dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
