He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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