she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
