I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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