Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize