My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
