Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
