I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
