dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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