its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize