I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Are my feet made of real feet?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
