.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
