i think my tv is drunk
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
