filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you win again, gameday.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
