I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
