from now on my penis is your penis
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
