You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
