She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
