my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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