I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
