He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
