Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
