Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
