Please, let me fuck your mom
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
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