I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
