Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Randomize
