I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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