Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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