peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
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