Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
