I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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