I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
