Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
