I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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