Someone shit on the floor
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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