I think my fart just growled at me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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