You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
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