HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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