evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
