so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
