Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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