hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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