Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
