Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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