Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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