He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
