I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
