Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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