my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
