At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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