xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize