I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just pee around me
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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