Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
