I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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