I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
You're like the curious george of whores
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
