No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
