I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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