dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
