I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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