apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
