Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
